I was tired of seeing the last post up on here.

Unfortunately, Cody and I are separated. And will be divorced.
It was a shock to me, but now after a few days to stew, I believe it's probably better. And I think I'm on the better way to getting back to being my happy self. He wasn't happy. I have no idea why not, I did everything I could possibly do to make him happy so I don't think I had close to any fault in the matter. I feel good about it right now and I feel like in a few months I'll be in a better place than I was when I was with him. Don't get me wrong. I was devastated when he told me he didn't think we should be married anymore. I was surprised and angry and heart broken and wanted to throw up and I wanted to kill something. All I could think was, "What did I do?". But I did nothing to break us up. It was hard when we first moved in together, I had a hard time adjusting, but after all that I was loyal to him and loved him as much as any woman could. I gave up a lot to be with him and in many ways I get to take my life back now.
In reality, there was no way I could tell what he wanted. I mean yeah, I know that he wanted to get a dog and that new Xbox game or a trampoline. But that is all material shit. That stuff can be thrown away and replaced. It is not materials that make people happy, but he doesn't get that. I was trying to get him to grow up and responsible for his actions but he did not want to listen and now he's going to find out that things can be much more difficult than he can imagine. Food doesn't automatically appear in your refrigerator when you're hungry, the toilet doesn't clean it self and when you wear your last pair of underpants, that's the LAST pair. In all fairness, I probably did too much for him. That asshole.

Even now I have to harass him to get the paper work done. Or started.

I'm just ready to forget him forever. I know I deserve better than what he gave me.

I'm taking down that goddamn sparrow. It's ridiculous. Its not even good. And I think everyone who favorite-d it needs to find a better tattoo idea. Also I've got a lot more original painting/drawings in this gallery who deserve a fave once in a while.

Nothing New to say. Just updating a little, I hope you like my new paintings. I do!
Leave a comment if you please. thanks much.

Some of you may know how I feel about my life right now. But here's a refresher.

I love it. I think it's gone great so far but then through the magnifying glass I see all these little things.... And they start to grow. Little things that I should have been prepared for but since I'm not they've turned into big things.
I love where I'm at right now, I wish I could keep things the way they are. I'll keep going to school forever, I can live at home with my family forever, I'll learn new things things over and over, and everything will always be new to me. But we all know that can't happen. things don't work like that. It would just be easier if it did.
The hard part, at least for me, is getting there. I asked my mom a few days ago if she thought I would make it. And she said this to me,

"It's like you've climbed a mountain, Angie. Except you haven't reached the top yet. You're at that point where the mountain gets really rough to climb and you have to decide whether to tough it out and reach the top, or teeter back and give up. And I really don't think you're going to give up without a fight. "

In so many ways, I feel exactly like that. I'm at that point where I could give up and go home, or I could push ahead and do this. I certainly don't want to give up.
But where should I go? How do I get there? Where do I fucking start!? I guess all these will just emerge on their own, but it's so confusing sometimes. and I feel lost.

There's one man I really admire, he's got his dreams just in sight and that's amazing to me. I'm so glad he never gave up, and he never will. He inspires me to every extent. He's just a guy that wanted some stencil work from me, but I am more amazed by him than he is of me.
This man has said some of the most inspirational things I have ever heard, and I don't even really know him.

"I have to get myself together, or end up another causality of St. Charles. Its depressing, seeing the 22 year old girl with 3 kids and the father who works with me at some shitty job. I don't wanna be that, thats not the life. I'd rather be broke doing what I love, and staying out of trouble."

"Theres soo much to keep you from your dreams out here, its like a trap. I'm committed, I don't want anything but my dreams right now."

"Hopefully things work out, I want to see you do the same. I wanna see bunny food get out there, don't let anything or anyone take your dreams from you."

"Its sad to think I could of elevated sooo much in this time but didn't because I got caught slipping. Life is a board game and I just took 10 steps back.
It's time for me to move forward, with soo many things out here to lose site of your dreams I want nothing to do with that."

He makes me want to be where he is so bad. I want to be fighting for my dreams like he is, I want to be struggling, I want to know that this will be the best thing I'm ever going to do. I want that so bad.